An Elf and a Rock and the End of the World

by David Reagan,

started February 20, 2006, 10:02PM, ended 10:48PM

 

It had been a good day. But then Kelelelelas, Prince of Thieving Elves, of the Kingdom of Thatakakak, of the Province Walalaiel, of the City of Ronicinan, of Protat Street, (sorry about forcing you to read that, but the guy made me sign a contract) showed up. The minute I set eyes on him, I had a gut instinct that this day was going to be annoying. I guess I should tell you how he showed up, not that it matters to the story much, but still... Kelelelelas, Prince of Thieving Elves, of the Kingdom of Thatakakak, of the Province Walalaiel, of the City of Ronicinan, of Protat Street, showed up at the front gate of my manor house on his world. Then Kelelelelas, Prince of Thieving Elves, of the Kingdom of Thatakakak, of the Province Walalaiel, of the City of Ronicinan, of Protat Street, was shown to me by the new secretary I had hired.

 

As soon as he started talking I decided to fire that secretary. Sheesh, it is hard to find good help these days. When Kelelelelas, Prince of Thieving Elves, of the Kingdom of Thatakakak, of the Province Walalaiel, of the City of Ronicinan, of Protat Street, was shown in Kelelelelas, Prince of Thieving Elves, of the Kingdom of Thatakakak, of the Province Walalaiel, of the City of Ronicinan, of Protat Street, bowed and then introduced himself. “I am Kelelelelas, Prince of Thieving Elves, of the Kingdom of Thatakakak, of the Province Walalaiel, of the City of Ronicinan, of Protat Street. And I need your help!” (Again, sorry, allow this apology to apply to the rest of the story please... Stupid contract.)

 

Taking a moment to recover I stopped time on him and buzzed my secretary. After giving it a five day long speech on how to screen visitors I fired it. Fortunately for it, fire only made it jump dimensions. Then I replied to Kelelelelas, Prince of Thieving Elves, of the Kingdom of Thatakakak, of the Province Walalaiel, of the City of Ronicinan, of Protat Street. “And how can I help you?”

 

Kelelelelas, Prince of Thieving Elves, of the Kingdom of Thatakakak, of the Province Walalaiel, of the City of Ronicinan, of Protat Street blinked looking confused, “But you were recommended as the most powerful wizard on my planet, surely you have already read the signs?”

 

Technically we are not on your planet, but even if we were, I am not all knowing. Tried it once, decided that God did a much better job. So, what is it that you need help with?”

 

Kelelelelas, Prince of Thieving Elves, of the Kingdom of Thatakakak, of the Province Walalaiel, of the City of Ronicinan, of Protat Street then proceeded to go into a lengthy tale of how he found himself in my office. Apparently he had to go through a maze, fight a few giants, talk his way past a sphinx, and numerous other endeavors to reach my gate. If you have ever played a fantasy role playing game, just imagine that.

 

Hmm... Maybe I should find that secretary and apologize.” I thought to myself before replying to Kelelelelas, Prince of Thieving Elves, of the Kingdom of Thatakakak, of the Province Walalaiel, of the City of Ronicinan, of Protat Street. “You forgot to mention why you did went to all that trouble.”

 

Kelelelelas, Prince of Thieving Elves, of the Kingdom of Thatakakak, of the Province Walalaiel, of the City of Ronicinan, of Protat Street, blinked again, “Oh, sorry. Well, on Protat Street there is a very dangerous rock. If it is not removed within the next day the entire world will be destroyed!”

 

Very well, think of what your street looks like.” I said as I waved my spell hat. An instant later we had arrived at the home street of Kelelelelas, Prince of Thieving Elves, of the Kingdom of Thatakakak, of the Province Walalaiel, of the City of Ronicinan, of Protat Street.

 

So, where is this doomsday rock?” I asked.

 

Kelelelelas, Prince of Thieving Elves, of the Kingdom of Thatakakak, of the Province Walalaiel, of the City of Ronicinan, of Protat Street pointed to a ordinary rock sitting in the middle of the road. I blinked. It stayed an ordinary rock. I was rapidly getting suspicious of Kelelelelas, Prince of Thieving Elves, of the Kingdom of Thatakakak, of the Province Walalaiel, of the City of Ronicinan, of Protat Street. But because I have run into ordinary looking rocks that turned out to be nasty before, I proceeded to scan it thoroughly.

 

A few hours of scanning later I found out its secret. It was an ordinary rock. I turned my glare on Kelelelelas, Prince of Thieving Elves, of the Kingdom of Thatakakak, of the Province Walalaiel, of the City of Ronicinan, of Protat Street, deciding not to rehire that secretary. “And how exactly is a ordinary rock going to end this world?” I asked in my most intimidating tone.

 

Kelelelelas, Prince of Thieving Elves, of the Kingdom of Thatakakak, of the Province Walalaiel, of the City of Ronicinan, of Protat Street, seemed shocked. “But! But! It isn't an ordinary rock!”

 

I growled, “Yes, it is.”

 

But, it just appeared overnight. No sound, no carts passing by, just appeared out of thin air.” Kelelelelas, Prince of Thieving Elves, of the Kingdom of Thatakakak, of the Province Walalaiel, of the City of Ronicinan, of Protat Street, continued on in this vein of speaking for quite some time. I was rather impressed that he didn't once repeat one of his excuses.

 

Getting tired of it all, I just waved my spell cap and sent the rock to Kelelelelas, Prince of Thieving Elves, of the Kingdom of Thatakakak, of the Province Walalaiel, of the City of Ronicinan, of Protat Street's bed.

 

After watching Kelelelelas, Prince of Thieving Elves, of the Kingdom of Thatakakak, of the Province Walalaiel, of the City of Ronicinan, of Protat Street, continue talking for a while. I cleared my throat. Kelelelelas, Prince of Thieving Elves, of the Kingdom of Thatakakak, of the Province Walalaiel, of the City of Ronicinan, of Protat Street, kept talking. I tried again. Still no response. Finally I roared in his face, “WILL YOU BE QUITE ALREADY?!” It shut him up.

 

The rock is now gone, I am done here. Goodbye!” I said my fond farewells to Kelelelelas, Prince of Thieving Elves, of the Kingdom of Thatakakak, of the Province Walalaiel, of the City of Ronicinan, of Protat Street. With a wave of my spell cap, I was back in my office. Sitting on my desk was a letter. Opening it up I read:

Dear friend,

 

I hope I didn't cause you to many problems with Kelelelelas, Prince of Thieving Elves, of the Kingdom of Thatakakak, of the Province Walalaiel, of the City of Ronicinan, of Protat Street. But it was necessary, I needed you to be out of my way. You will see why if you check your play room.

 

Sincerely,

Rababash

 

Recognizing the name as one of my oldest friends, he turned 5843 last Tuesday, I went to my play room. Grinning in happiness I decided that this day hadn't been all that bad. All my legos were organized, and the completed models were nicely displayed!